Why are you here, reading this? Maybe it’s because you are comfortable trusting me, as a representative of feckingbahamascorp™, to become aware of and then listen to this particular collection of soundwaves on your behalf, and then tell you if you would benefit from listening to it yourself. Maybe you assume that I am more qualified to pass judgment on it than you. Maybe you find it difficult to form opinions, and want to use my ones to make you look cool with your mates. Maybe you’re just a fan of good music journalism1.
With that in mind, I’m going to try something new: you, my friend, are going to listen to Hope Solo without my pole of certainty propping open your opinion flap. Then you’re going to make your own, untainted judgment and share it with me below, and I’m going to tell you if it’s good or not. Then we’ll all have a much better idea of why exactly you’re here.
Click up there and you can instantly start listening. Go on, I’ll wait.
With the assumption that you’re now hearing Theo, do you feel confident in judging it? Are you crippled with doubt? Can you interpret your current feelings? Are you able to express your ideas with words? I generally try and come up with an overly-wordy simile2 to describe the general feel of the act in question, then think of some bands that no one else has heard of to say it sounds a bit like. Finally, I might think of a real-life activity that this music makes me feel like doing3.
So: scroll down; use the comment entry form; let’s see what you came up with. If it’s clear to me that you are unable to review this EP correctly, I am perfectly happy to continue having opinions in order to help you out (don’t mention it). However, if I can see that your judgment skills pass muster, you can write your own bloody reviews in future.
1 *jazz hands 2 “like a hyperactive baseball bat trapped in a biscuit tin made of shame” 3 “makes me want to walk through a dirty alleyway, whispering sweet nothings to the tramps that I find”