Weird Teeth – Weird Teeth (2014)

When I interviewed the band Weird Teeth in a dream I had the other night, I began by asking them what they thought Grigori Perelman was up to these days. In response, one of them (I’m not sure which, I’ve never met or seen them) asked me why I gave a shit about Grigori Perelman. So I told them:

There’s this hundred-year old unprovable maths theory, which goes like this: “Every simply connected, closed 3-manifold is homeomorphic to the 3-sphere.” Obviously, it’s well hardcore – but in 2003 Grigori Perelman, beardy Russian recluse, fucked its shit right up and proved it. Just to underline how ludicrously space-age that is, it took the international maths community™ THREE EARTH YEARS just to check that he got all his working out right.

So after checking and okaying it, they told him they were going to give him the Fields Medal, which is kind of a big deal for a lot of people (the ones who know what the 3-sphere is, presumably). Then they told him they were going to give him a million dollars. Which is also kind of a big deal, and not just if you’re a boffin.

His response to all of this was to basically say: “Keep your cretinous awards and money, we’ve all seen Good Will Hunting, I’ll turn into an arrogant twat and fall out with Robin Williams. Also I don’t do maths any more; I’ve got some other shit brewing.”

So what shit is brewing, Grigori? That’s what I want to know. It’s what Weird Teeth want to know too, now.

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