Louie Baltazar – Short Sweeties And Peace Treaties (2014)

Live animals! Speed! Rivalry! Crashes! Wheels! Feats of derring-do! Cheering! Danger! Braying!

If you’ve never seen live ass chariot racing before, it’s all of those things. Trust me; I was there on Sunday. Definitely go and watch it if you get the chance, because it’s ass chariot racing… But make sure you’re prepared for all of that stuff I listed in SMALL DOSES: ass ≠ horse, as any competent Hungarian abattoir owner will tell you.

I erred in this manner, thinking beforehand that asses were basically horses with big floppy ears. When I got there, all I saw were Jon-Bon-Jovi-high, soft, furry things made out of knitting and embarrassment. I was immediately disappointed and angry with asses: a feeling we all know well.

Luckily the spectacle of adult humans perching on essentially the front half of a trolley while apoplectically trying to persuade their ass to compete for speed against other asses round a tiny circuit mollified me quickly. And to be fair, 2 or 3 of them could actually run; let’s call it a brisk canter. Most of the asses, however, only managed an urgent dally or a focused amble. One jockey had to pretty much drag his sorry ass through dirt with his bare hands on the final lap, such was its reluctance to move.

In summary, what ass chariot racing lacks in excitement, it more than makes up for in hilarious rustic novelty value; especially when you consider that these asses are supposedly trained for racing by their owners. Bloody hell.

Sometimes, you assume something is going to be awesome. Then it turns out to be awesome, but in a complete other way to how you assumed, just to remind you that you’re a bit of a cock.

File Under

Math rock, experimental, one man band, electronica, chiptune

Sounds A Tad Like

Gold Panda, Books, not what I ass-umed


Name Your Pr-ass (Bandcamp)


Republic of California