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A number of weeks ago, having embarked on a brief perambulation, I suffered the deep misfortune of falling victim to a kidnapping; a posse of ruffians forced a hood over my head and scooped me into the back of a transit van and I saw nothing until I awoke; alone, my surroundings, a pleasant yet unsettlingly corporate board room. There were some biscuits in a little dish so I took one. “Hmm”, said I, “These biscuits taste as though they have been produced with Kworn™ High Quality Meat Substitute”.